For the past couple of months I’ve been on a journey to be the best possible me. When I decided to do this I wanted to journal/blog about it, but because of my lack of confidence I was afraid to actually post. So this week I’ll be posting each day. This is my first entry:
Time for a cliché… Today is the first day of the rest of my life. First, I need to share a little backstory and honesty.
The last time I was in shape was eight years ago when I busted my butt, going to the gym everyday, to get in shape for the adoption of our Sweet P. I worked out at the gym every day, for about a year, preparing for her homecoming, but I did it on my own without the help of a professional. With some coaching from my husband, a former collegiate athlete, I learned some basics but ultimately ended up just doing what I liked to do, which wasn’t anything too difficult. It worked for me I guess. After Phoebe was in my life I was busy bonding and having a little one, then I had a job, then I started photography…always an excuse to NOT go to the gym. As far as my eating habits go, well, they are HORRIBLE. Add to all that some early menopause (sorry, TMI?) and I’m easily 25lbs. heavier than I want. My weight has fluctuated like a yo-yo because I’ll cleanse, go “no carb” for a few months, or starve myself losing weight for an upcoming occasion only to eat poorly and gain it all back and maybe more. Now, maybe my age or maybe menopause or maybe its just life, but I seem to have developed immunity to quick and easy methods. My old ways just don’t work for me anymore.
I’ve been sad. I’ve been sad for a long time. I feel like I’m in the wrong body but I haven’t done anything to correct it. My hubby has been amazing, of course. He’s never hesitated to support me and has never wanted me to be anything but happy. I love him so much and thank him for EVERYTHING! He eats well and works out as much as he is able, and he always invites me to join him for a workout, but never makes me feel bad for not wanting to do it.
I tried to convince myself “This is just the way I’m going to be. A little bit chubby.” But I would lie awake night after night worrying about every little ache or pain because I know how unhealthy I am. I would decline wonderful vacation opportunities with friends because I didn’t want to worry about what I would wear, and wearing a bathing suit wasn’t even a consideration!
So, cut to the chase, I was bored recently and looking through Instagram. I saw a post from my nephew Nick about #200Ktransform, a bodybuilding challenge that he’s doing to win some money. Curious, I clicked on the hashtag and ended up spending an hour looking through the transformations. Something clicked for me and while I am not interested in competing in a transformation challenge, I knew that I wanted to transform my body through fitness and nutrition. It was time. It IS time. IT IS MY TIME!
I sat with my man, asked him not to laugh, and told him that I wanted to change my life. Of course he didn’t laugh. He smiled. It’s almost like he’s been waiting for the past eight years for me to make this decision. He knew I would have to do it on my own and no one could tell me or ask me to do it. I had to be ready, and I am.
First thing to do was to find a personal trainer. I’ve never consulted a trainer, even when it was offered for free at our local gym. It totally scares me. I did research and saw a lot of good things about HitchFit Gym. When I clicked on the website a Groupon popped up for two one-hour sessions for $20! I bought the Groupon and called for my appointment. My first session is today, April 9, 2015.
Today my transformation begins. I’m going to journal my experience and when the time is right, share it on my blog, but not yet. I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I can’t do it. I’m afraid that I’ll give up. I am afraid that I will fail. I’ve always had this fear but now I also have a goal. This goal comes from deep inside me and it burns bright for all of the right reasons. Yes I am afraid but my goal is brighter than my fear. I am going to focus on the goal, which means the fear can’t be seen.
I’m so excited and feel so ready to do this now!
Check in tomorrow for my next entry on my HitchFit transformation journey with my trainer, the amazing Amy Gipson!